“Love like it’s your last chance to love. Love without needing to be loved in return. Love in boldness, courage, fearlessness and joy. And when you run dry of love, know that God surrounds you with an ocean of love… all you need to do is drink it in.”—Unka Glen (unkaglen.tumblr.com)
“The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world—free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed, or considered useless…. I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond its boundaries.”—(via henrinouwen)
“When we put our effort into whatever it takes to help us connect with God, we quite naturally do good things without thinking about them. In such “accidental obedience,” we obey out of a personal connection with God, not because we ordered ourselves to do it. That’s how life with God works: You do the connecting (with God), and God does the perfecting (in your behavior).”—Jan Johnson
“Don’t talk like Saul but talk like David!
Have faith in God and simply find out if __ is the place He wants you to go.
That’s all. It has nothing to do with your abilities and credentials.”—appa, per the usual
“Your behavior has utterly failed to make God love you any more, or any less. God loves you, knowing all the facts, knowing every future stumble. He chooses to love you now, of His own free will, and this love cannot be changed.”—Unka Glen (unkaglen.tumblr.com)
“I believe that God is better honored when we know and use and love the life he has given us in all its worth and therefore also strongly and honestly feel pain when life’s worth is damaged or lost (some like to complain about this as the weakness and sensitivity of ordinary existence) than when we are impassive regarding life’s worth and hence also impassive against its pain.”—Dietrich Bonhoeffer
and in that place, at her desk, she realized a thing.
no matter what she was going through, no matter what pain or devastation or trial or hardship or calamity or even agony of the heart, if she was learning something about God during it, if God was revealing Himself to her during that time, then none of it was lost, and none of it was waste. none of it was absurd, or useless, or an existential joke of absurd melancholy.
rather, she was only gaining the most valuable thing she could gain.
though it still hurt, and the way the pain hit her was reckless at times, God was there and He was in it and He was revealing Himself to her. she was seeing Him! she would see Him in moments throughout!
and when she remembered that, she wasn’t afraid of anything. because every loss on earth was still her gain in Christ.
And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.
“Humble yourself and cease to care what men think. A meek man is not a human mouse afflicted with a sense of his own inferiority. Rather, he has stopped being fooled about himself. He knows well that the world will never see him as God sees him and he has stopped caring. He has obtained a place of soul rest. The old struggle to defend himself is over.”—A.W. Tozer
that’s the image i see when i try to picture my thoughts. i realized a thing today. that i’ll always have writing. disclaimers and proverbs 27:1/james 4:14 aside, just all those…. yesbutstill’s aside… i’ll always have writing. if i look back on my journals, i find that the times i was most hurt or frustrated or desperate or falling apart were the times my writing was most prolific. pro li fic. and the converse it true, which is something i seek to change in 2014 (pronounced: twentyfourteen). so when i’m middle aged and have kids, or when i’m old and my teeth are perhaps starting to fail, and i’m mad about something, whether it be at someone or at the world or at the actions of someone or somethings, then i’ll still have writing. i’ll still be free to write. it will require more sacrifice when i am older, it will feel more like a luxury then, but it will still be waiting for me, it will still be the Option (d), right before option (e) all of the above. and so i’m thankful, Lord.
speaking of anger. i just hate them sometimes. sorry, gentle female Christian speakers and authors, the latter of whom i read from constantly, but _________ just s u c k sometimes. yes i’m talking to you, EVERY ___. and yes, it IS a reflection somewhat of many other things that just bother me SO MUCH and that i should not share on this blog.
i don’t want to trust you as much now.
i could be making this up, and i could be scapegoating things to make excuses for all my irrational fears and insecurities and sensitive points, but if i don’t write this kind of stuff then i’d be a near tumblrsaint and that’s inaccurate.
and i am afraid to drive and park this time around, i realized!
i know that nothing can protect her or me or her or her from heartbreak. and we walk by faith because the Bible says do not be afraid, and Jesus speaks the truth and He encourages us not to be selfish and invites us into a life where we do not fear and thus worship things that make us anxious in this world, in which we only worship Him because He is it, and there is Him and nothing else, but in this divided heart there is oftentimes a “but.”
i’m meeting her tonight. i’ve never met her before and i wonder what she’s like. she seems kind of very asian and generally peppy. i pray, Lord.
had a near 6 or 7 hour marathon of a conversation with c this past week, that dark horse o’ mine, and one thing she shared from her pastor struck me because it is for me and it is for her and it is for you. that nobody’s testimony of salvation is crazier than your own.
"In His will is our peace." (so Lord, if my heart is not at peace, where can You conform my heart and will to Yours?)
plucked out of last month’s entry from my secret blog (muhahah):
of course He does. He created us human after all. strange that i woke up after only 4 hours of sleep. thank you for that, Lord. i pray that you would sustain me as you always have. i thank you so much for spending time with me and letting me praise you, and for waking me up on this day to begin again. i know it was all you. thank you for this chance to begin again. thank you for the lessons i learned from michelle, to start even when i do not feel ready. to keep going even though i’m not doing it perfectly. to delight in my weakness even as i fail constantly. because You are my hope and You are my strength. not my past track record, not my willpower or my abilities to stay on the course. YOU. You. You. You.
practical tip of today: sing the lyrics to new praise songs so i don’t get distracted by the routine habit of songs i’m used to singing by habit. really sing praises to Him.
our littlest and biggest behaviors and decisions flow out of our thoughts. so conform your thoughts to God!
“When God made the world, He knew it would be a messy place. Likewise, when He made you, He knew things would get messy. God is bigger than your mess, He is with you in your mess, and your mess comes as no surprise to Him.”—
————— Forwarded message ————— From: Appa<_____@____.com> Date: Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 4:57 PM Subject: You are doing good! To: “tru__@____.com”
Hello My Daughter,
I m sorry I was a little aggressive last night. I also have been a little anxious and touchy lately for no good reason despite God’s comfort and overflowing blessings. So, Dads get mad when they see same traits or flaws in their children.
I also share your anxious heart for different issues and different reasons. I also suffer from my own life insecurity and trauma despite God’s constant reassurances and reminding of His guidance.
In your case, I just want to remind you that your past breakups was NOT YOUR FAULT! Always, I have seen you doing your best as an honest faithful loyal loving person. It was God’s intervention to rescue you from those past disapproved relationships so that He can lead you to the right person that deserves you.
Now, we still don’t know if that person is Paul, but we just hope and pray. As for you and Paul I honestly feel that things are actually going much better than expected. Just remember to respect other person’s pace and style and it should take some time and adjustments. Even God is patient and slow to mold and shape His children for his missions.
Today’s qt verse for me and you is from Romans 10:11 As the Scripture says, ” Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.”
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
and to add to that some common grace (thanks, j. park!), i can’t help posting this j. clear guy’s stuff when i want to remember it too:
In other words, the goals and results that seem so valuable to you in the beginning actually become less valuable as you achieve more of them.
So, if the results mean less as you achieve more of them, how do you stay driven?
By loving the practice of what you do. It’s only the people who embrace their work as a craft and fall in love with the boredom of doing it day in and day out that stay driven over the long-term.
Guess what? This answer is now easy. If you love the practice of what you do, if you love the daily work, then you can be happy before and after you achieve your goals.
When you learn to love the process of what you are doing and not focus so much on the goal, you automatically find happiness while staying driven.
If you learn to love the practice of working out, then you’ll be happy right now and you’ll see results later. If you learn to love the practice of marketing your business, then you’ll be happy right now and you’ll see results later. If you learn to love the practice of supporting your friends and family, then you’ll be happy now and see the results later.
Happy and driven. Just one more reason why the system is better than the goal.
today we walked by the tree lined street and she suddenly stopped and said “oh my goodness all those yellow leaves were on the trees yesterday when i ran by them and now they’re all on the floor!” and it was true, all the tree branches were bare, all i saw was dull brown on them and all the loud yellow of the leaves had fallen to the ground.
and as she prayed for me this morning (upon my request hehe), she prayed:
God, we know that it’s not about her making it to the top or winning the praise of everyone. it was never about that, Lord, your design for her here was never for that. it’s about her glorifying you in everything she does there.
and you have provided for her time and time again, throughout the years, and even just this past week.
Lord, help me to remember You. Lord, help me to trust in You.